Mail Call #1

Because I’m going to be on airplanes all day and into the night, I’m going to cheat a little again.  But when first took on this project, I said that I would be open to every method of healing, and I believe that the responses I’ve gotten from people reading this blog have helped me in their own, incredible way.  There’s a big difference between talking to a therapist, who is trained to say the right things, and hearing from “real” people, who don’t know what the right things are, and therefore say things from their hearts.  So, without further ado, here are some excerpts from some emails I’ve gotten:

From Doug’s (pregnant) cousin:

i just wanted to say that being pregnant is something i am so grateful for. but as much as i thought i was ready, it seems now that maybe i am not, or maybe there is never really a right time.  i am just going to hold on tight, and hope she gets here, and we both make it.  after all i have to comfort her, and not be the scared one.  i guess i am just trying to explain my perspective, because you were so honest on your blog about yours….. i felt like writing back.

i hope you get what you want, and just know that your first experience doesn’t predict what your next experience will be like.  you will concieve 🙂  and you will heal, and you will be so full of love for your baby when he or she arrives, having gone through that.

From a friend in Seattle:

I honestly believe that everyone can be healed by figuring out who they are and how the events in their life shape them and sometimes it takes a while to figure out how to do that. I love that you are open to all kinds of healing theories and I know your open mind has allowed you to start this process. I can tell by the tone in your writing that you really are healing and getting in touch with yourself and I love being able to feel like I am a part of it. I know the healing process is tough but you are taking it on like a champ and making true strides.

From a close childhood friend:

I have probably told you this before, but your divorce affected me very deeply also.  Shortly after I also ran from my “sensible, good on paper” relationship for someone much less stable that I was (and still am) madly in love with. And I thank you for that. If nothing else your divorce saved me from my own failed marriage. So good came out of it for people other than you. I still feel very grateful to you for that. It was fun to be in the same place in life going through something so hard (and fun). Our actions affect others in strange and mysterious ways.

My love to you. I read your blog every morning.

From my aunt:

I hope this self-examination you’re going through will help you get to that point, and will instill in you the self-confidence you should have, with all that you’ve accomplished in your 28 years of life. It really is amazing – the education you’ve gotten, the language skills you have, the year of study in France. How many people have done all that? You have a great mind and are a brilliant writer, with your blog as proof of that. Unfortunately, I’ve read many books that weren’t nearly as interesting and fun to read.

You are such a beautiful young woman in body and spirit. You should be full of confidence as you face life, drawing on those qualities, enjoying life with true friends and your family and going forward with your dreams. There is such a wonderful world to discover out there.

From an old friend I used to perform in Rocky Horror with:

I wanted to let you know that I’m faithfully reading your blog. Sometimes it makes me laugh, other times it makes me cry. It always makes me remember what a wonderful person you are. I’m sorry that you’ve had to go through any of the things that you have. You amaze me with the strength that you don’t even realize that you have.

From my brother, Martin:

Hey marie thanks for always making me feel better when i was upset as a child and playing “school” with me to try to get me to become smarter and teaching me the abcs, when the timing is right for you to become a mother youll be a great one just like how our mother was great to us.

From a college friend, whom I really looked up to:

My own life has been affected by miscarrariage, although not one that I had personally. When I was 3 my mom had a miscarriage that not only destroyed my chances of ever having a little brother or sister, but also almost killed my mom. Needless to say, my mom and dad and I were deeply traumatized by this event. I think I am still realizing how traumatic it was for me. Of course it affected my mom the worst, and it wasn’t until years of struggling with her sadness and depression that she finally decided to get some professional help and was able to recover. I am so glad that you haven’t waited that long- I am glad that you are getting help now, and I hope that you will continue with it as long as it takes. I want to encourage you that it is possible to recover and heal. But you also have to allow yourself to do that. It is hard to let go of the pain, I think.

From a co-worker whose wife was pregnant at the same time I was:

Before you read any further, please take this message as a compliment to your amazing english and writing skills and an envy to your and Doug’s relationship. You guys get to work, travel, commute, gather with friends, be intimate, watch the Chargers…without the interruption of a child.

For as small as my opinion may be or seem, i think your last few posts to the blog have been very well written. Stop worrying what other people think. There is no standard, default “path.” It took me a long time to figure that out.

And that’s just a fraction of the messages that I was able to find this morning.  There were others I was looking for and couldn’t locate.

This is incredible, guys.  The advice, the encouragement, the compliments, the insight…

And I used to think I was going through all this alone.

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One Response to Mail Call #1

  1. Erin says:

    My parents still have flowers delivered to a grave in Gallup New Mexico every March 1st. They still visit a grave in Poway every October 9th. It’s been 28 and 26 years and they are still damaged. To a degree I think it’s sweet that they still remember and take care of each other, but it’s also dwelling and not healing. Just be stoked that you’ve made a choice to try to be better.

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