Unsent letter #2

So in an interesting turn of events, the girl who made my life hell (or intensified the hell that already was) in the months surrounding my divorce, then got divorced herself, is now dating a buddy of mine.  In fact, she’s dating the guy – another coworker – who was the most understanding and accepting of me, Doug, and our new relationship, during a time when I didn’t think I merited understanding or acceptance.  In fact, she’s dating a guy who Doug was thinking about asking to be a groomsman in our eventual wedding, because he was such a good friend to us at the start of our relationship, during a time when no one seemed to want to be our friend.

Needless to say, this complicates things a little.  Things like my stubborn dislike of this girl.  Things like my willingness to confide in my buddy, lest he tell her – let alone invite him to my wedding, lest he bring her. (I know, I know.  That’s a long way a way.)

Today, I had it out with my buddy a little.  I told him I didn’t like his taste in women.  I reminded him of how horribly she (and others) had treated me.  I invited him to “tell her to feel free to apologize to me any time.”

But then, during the course of the conversation, I also told him I wouldn’t wish divorce on my worst enemy.  I told him I’m sorry for what she must be going through (with a child, no less).  I asked him whether he was worried about being “the rebound chick.”

I can’t not be nice.  I can’t hold grudges against people who don’t simply fuck me over and then disappear.  And now, it seems, this girl is indirectly back in the picture of my life.  (She’s also trying to friend Doug on facebook, to which I told him to tell her to feel free to apologize to me any time.)

And so, maybe this:

Dear K,

I’m sorry to hear that your marriage is ending.  I don’t know the details, but I can’t imagine that it’s easy in any set of circumstances – it certainly wasn’t for me.

That being said, you didn’t know the details surrounding my divorce either, and I felt rashly judged by you and other people we worked with.  It really hurt, and certainly didn’t make my healing and moving on processes any easier.

But seeing as you’re now dating my friend, and I am still dating yours, I think it would be best if we could put all that behind us.  I hope that we’ve both grown and changed enough in the last three years to make this possible.

I would still like an apology from you for the way you treated me, and then I would like to forgive you.  And I want you to know that, if you ever want to talk about what you’re going through, I’m a pretty good listener, and could probably empathize with you pretty well.

[Optional line: But if you hurt my buddy, I will come after you.]


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