It feels like the first was way more than nine days ago, but maybe that’s just my warped sense of time. Even on, like, the third, when customers were approaching my register and asking how my year was going so far, it felt strange – the way it might if someone asked the same question, say, in March. Or August.
But finally, nine days later than anticipated, I was able to meet up with Erin today and get our list of resolutions together. Actually, it’s more than just resolutions. We have four categories, to help us focus on different aspects of our self-improvement goals. Here’s this year’s list so far, though we’ll likely be adding to it as we think of other things in the next few days.
Resolutions: These are the things that most people would consider resolutions – health, fitness, and financial goals.
- Drink more water. (The ideal amount is half your body weight in ounces. For example, I weigh about 120 lbs, so I should be drinking about 60 ounces of water each day. Sorry to the metric people who will have to convert this equation.) Tea counts as water; soda does not. Drink less soda.
- Bicycle, bicycle, bicycle. In other words, exercise, but for me, it’s specifically about the bike – besides the health benefits, I have a lot psychologically tied up in my attempts at road biking.
- Spend at least 10 minutes each day tidying up. Things like dishes and laundry, which should be done anyway, don’t count.
- Make more dinners, as opposed to going out to eat or getting ready-made meals at work. It’s healthier, it saves money. (I may need to learn to cook.)
Revolutions: This is the “fuck you” category, where we focus on things we don’t like about ourselves or our situations, and vow to change them.
- Clean out our closets. Get rid of clothes that no longer fit our styles or bodies, get rid of some of the tchotchkes sitting around our houses collecting dust, get rid of anything with bad juju. Also, clean out the facebook closets: delete/hide people we don’t really like, or who post too much annoying stuff, like ultrasound pictures.
- More public displays of affection. Or private displays of affection. Or whatever. We had a hard time articulating this one. Erin wants to say more “I love yous” and other sweet things to her boyfriend; she’s not usually the type to get all mushy, and wants to step outside of her comfort zone. I’m good at mushiness, but I need to get out of my own comfort zone and be more forward: compliment Doug more often, tell him he’s hot, call him my hero (to his face, not just here). It comes down to both of us wanting to be more affectionate towards and appreciative of our significant others, in ways that don’t come naturally to us.
- Call shenanigans when necessary. Erin is having a hard time putting her foot down on something her boyfriend is doing even though he knows it upsets her. It’s taken me two years to get rid of the IUD that I never wanted in the first place. (I know, I said I wouldn’t talk about that until tomorrow.) We have to learn that it’s okay to listen to our instincts and stand up for ourselves.
Revelations: This is where we acknowledge the parts of us that need to be pampered, whether physically or emotionally. (Usually the former begets the latter anyway.)
- Wear more skirts. (And everything that goes along with that.)
- Write down one good thing every day.
- Go in the jacuzzi more often.
Special People’s Club: We each pick a couple people we want to make an extra effort for – friends we’ve lost touch with, friends who are struggling, etc.
- Erin’s friend Heather. (Heather makes Erin’s list a lot; they’ve been friends since grade school.)
- Doug’s sisters. (Doug has four teenage sisters – two on each side of his family. I feel like my best time to form close relationships with them is now.)
We left the restaurant wondering: is this really it? Usually our lists are longer – especially the angry “Revolutions” section. So we left ourselves the option of adding or modifying in the next few days.
What I find more interesting that what made the list, though, is what didn’t.
I couldn’t bring myself to commit “have sex every day” to writing. Doug and I are still doing it, but there’s an element of the Dread Pirate Roberts to it – “Good night, Westley; I’ll most likely kill you in the morning” – as though we might give up any time – no harm, no foul. And it’s definitely a quantity-over-quality operation. I keep hoping that eventually my body will catch up to what it’s doing, that I’ll start to actually want the sex I’m having. But as that hasn’t happened yet, I hate to admit, my heart’s not in it enough to actually make the resolution.
And I almost put Monica in my Special People’s Club. I would like, so much, to be able to reconnect with her. But the past few times I’ve tried, it’s always been her saying she was going out of town, or too busy with the baby, and so I feel like making an extra effort might just be setting myself up for extra heartbreak.