Four days post-Mirena-removal, and I am still waiting to not be miserable. I finally gave in to Wednesday’s panic and took a pregnancy test, which came back immediately and definitively negative.
And thank God for that, really. I got an email from a dear friend from college the other day, asking me to be momentarily happy with her, that we don’t have children yet:
And then I realized, I am so glad I don’t have children. I can barely handle all this now…. I think I would be clinically depressed if I had a child hanging in the balance.
…I’m not saying that bullshit that your misfortunes were meant to be, but the fact is we’re in incredibly stressful situations (cause even good stress is still stress), and we can “wait shit out” a bit more easily when we don’t have babies.
She makes an excellent point. My friend has also found the guy she wants to have babies with. But, although they are both intelligent and talented beyond my wildest dreams, they are less than gainfully employed right now, and Doug and I, though able to make ends meet (just), live in what I’ve termed “a disaster zone.” I mean, we don’t even have a working vacuum.
So as much as I like to come on here and whine about my lack of babies, I also know, with equal conviction, that my time for babies is not now. I felt a sense of accomplishment when I was able to reply to my friend and tell her, honestly, that I would join her in being happy to be childless. (Even though I also plan to be equally unhappy; women are confusing.)
However, since I’m not pregnant, I don’t think it’s too much to ask that my stomach stop hurting. Honestly. My stomach aches have been keeping me up at night and waking me up in the mornings. I confided in a few friends, asking what could possibly be causing all this if not hormones, and got a lot of interesting advice:
- I need to relax, take deep breaths, and do yoga.
- I should try cutting out different foods/food types for a few days and see if anything I’m eating is directly causing it.
- I should wake up and eat in the middle of the night.
- I should stop writing about all this, because that is only adding to the stress and compounding my problems.
- I should smoke a bowl to settle my stomach. (Only, I don’t smoke pot at all. I hate it.)
- My mom said she had the same symptoms when she tried taking a magnesium supplement for a few days. Which is interesting, but not relevant, as I haven’t taken any magnesium.
Doug keeps trying to do and say things that will make me feel better. He was the one who braved the dollar store to get me that pregnancy test, and he also came home with a tiny bottle of sparkling cider, an RC Cola, and chicken noodle soup. (Illness is illness, I guess.)
He sent me a text while I was at work today, asking how I was feeling. I wrote back to tell him that I was feeling okay for now, but that I was frustrated knowing that my stomach would probably be hurting again later, or tomorrow morning, as per the trend.
“Don’t worry,” he sent back. “It’s the last step. [Mirena]’s out. In a week or so, we will be back to the same spot as before all this happened, only now using condoms.”
At first, this made me smile. He’s so sweet. But then I started thinking: Wait a minute. This has never been any different for him. Men have it so easy when it comes to birth control; what right does he have to tell me not to worry?!
Then I had to laugh, because I felt like one of those women in labor, screaming and hitting her husband, telling him her pain is all his fault.
No, I really, really think this is all hormonal.