The past few days, I’ve been looking for an excuse to post a video a friend pointed me to, and now I have it.
See, I was hanging out with Doug and my brothers and Dawn’s family tonight, minding my own business, eating too much food and bonding with the babies, when I got this text from my friend Amanda:
At a wedding. The bride just announced she’s pregnant.
So many, many things wrong with this picture.
First of all, yes, my friends do think of me when they encounter these horrific pregnancy tales. I could tell them to stop – for instance, in this case, I don’t know this bride and easily could have gone my whole life without hearing this particular tidbit of information – but I do get some masochistic enjoyment out of it, apparently, or I wouldn’t have been so excited to come home and write about it.
Second, I am not knocking shotgun weddings here – those are a different situation. Despite all my personal issues, I understand that sometimes women get pregnant unexpectedly, and decide that marriage is the best plan for them, their partner, and their child. I’ve known a few women to choose this route, both of whom are still happily married. There’s no prescription for the order of things, and unexpected situations call for big, sometimes difficult, decisions: Doug and I, had our pregnancy been successful, were planning on not getting married until the child was old enough to be the flower girl or ring bearer.
Now we say we’d like to get married before we have a kid, but realistically, we might start trying/stop preventing a month or two before the wedding (because nothing says “family planning” like morning sickness on your honeymoon). Which might be what this couple did also – and fantastic for them, it worked. But then, keep it to yourself, dumbass. There is no good reason to announce your pregnancy at your wedding.
People go to weddings to celebrate and support the newly joined couple. The day is about your partnership, the beauty of your relationship, and your promises to each other. To announce a pregnancy is to draw the attention away from the couple and their families, to draw it away from the magnitude of the union, and place it solely and squarely on yourself. Oh sure, the new hubby had a part in all this too (at least, your guests hope he did – especially those guests sitting on the right side of the church), but it’s not him everyone’s going to be fawning over; it’s not his health and diet that will be monitored or fussed about; it’s not his belly they’ll be touching.
And furthermore, your guests did not sign up for this. They thought they were coming to a wedding; they’re here to eat and drink and dance in uncomfortable shoes. I know for me (and maybe for Amanda and her husband, who are waiting a little longer to have kids, even though they really want them), I need to mentally prepare for events that focus on pregnancies and babies. If I went to a wedding that suddenly turned into an impromptu baby shower, I would leave. Potentially, I would never speak to that bride again.
I mean, really. Not cool at all.
And so, because it is appropriate, and because it makes me laugh, I bring you this: