The end is near… Now what?

I have a month left on this project.  Holy crap, where did the time go?  And at the same time, I feel like I’ve been doing this forever.  Is this really how long it takes to grow a baby?  Again, holy crap.

Anyway, I want to talk about the end.  When I started Bakery Closed, I sort of had an idea of what the end would be: we’d go somewhere fabulous (okay, we’d go to France), and my last post would be about how Doug had just proposed to me, and it would be infused with a sense of everything-will-be-okay-now.  I also imagined my blog would be turned into a book, and that, therefore, I would need that bang of happily-ever-after at the end.

Well, I am not being turned into a book, not yet anyway.  The blog turned out to be more like a loving conversation with myself and some incredible friends – new and old – than the tidy coming-of-age story I’d imagined.  And we’re not going to France, or anywhere else fabulous to commemorate our due date/the end of my project: we’re going to his sister’s thirteenth birthday party the day before, and then…?  I don’t know.  I requested the day off, though, so at least we’re not going to work.  And a mutual friend reminded Doug that April is too soon to propose if we want a next-September wedding, because I am categorically against having a long engagement; so even though he had, at some point, come up with the idea on his own, he ultimately decided against it.  (And, as it turns out, I’m kind of grateful for that.)

So maybe, when Bakery Closed ends, it will just end.  I mean, I can’t keep going.  I can’t keep obsessing over all this divorce/marriage/miscarriage/baby stuff; I’ll go crazy.  But I can’t stop writing either.  That much is clear.

I’ve been toying with an idea for a follow-up project, this one a lot lighter in subject matter, but with the same ultimate goal: to prepare myself and my life for marriage and babies, duh.  I’ve mentioned multiple times in here that I’m horrible at cooking, and cleaning, and ironing, and sex, and other aspects of housewifery.  Yet, if I want to be a wife and a mother, I’m going to need to learn these skills.  So I came up with the idea for what we’ve been calling my “housewife project,” which would basically involve me throwing myself deeply into the role of 50s housewife (complete with aprons and cute dresses), failing comedically at all these tasks until (hopefully, eventually) I don’t, and writing about the process.  I’d enlist friends to teach me everything they know, through advice or example.  I might even ask my mom for help.  Doug would be contracted to bring home flowers, pamper me, take me out, and help once in a while, so I don’t end up resenting him.  The only thing contradicting the little-wife image I’d be temporarily giving myself would be the fact that I’ll still have to go to work.  I imagine the whole thing would be frustrating; I hope it would be fun.

But being that my blog turned out as more of a conversation than a narration, I figure I should ask all of you what I should do with this looming anniversary/end/beginning.

I can’t promise I’ll go along exactly with the results of the polls.  But have fun telling me what to do anyway.

I suggest a bonfire

Seeing oneself
laid out across 400 pages
is really quite effective.

Each spoken word, hesitant breath,
calls me back to its origin,
cuts me with its meaning.

I have never seen myself
this naked, nor felt so insecure
about my nakedness.

(1-28-04, after printing and rereading two years’ worth of diaries for my final college project)

(I promise a new poem tomorrow.)

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20 Responses to The end is near… Now what?

  1. seekraz says:

    I just checked-in today, haven’t read anything else (yet), but think you should keep going anyway…we write for ourselves…and it’s neat when someone else happens to read what we’ve written and finds themselves inside of it as well. Anyway…take care…and keep writing.

  2. bodegabliss says:

    I love the idea of the housewife blog! And I really really wish we lived closer so I could teach you how to cook. It’s one of my favorite things to do. Plus, I feel like I’m a pretty good housewife, so I might be able to add to that, too. Stupid 10 hours or so between us!

    Also? I really wanted two votes so I could vote for going to the courthouse, along with the housewife blog. Because that just sounds fun!

    • Marie says:

      You could always come visit. We could do an intensive housewife program, and it’s not like San Diego is such a horrible place for you & Tim to vacation to… Just sayin’.

      I’ve discovered that if people used the “other” field and wrote in an answer, it’s totally useless – I have no way of seeing what they wrote! So thanks for commenting to tell me how you would have liked to vote. Stupid confusing poll-maker.

      • bodegabliss says:

        I hear there’s surf there….(Tim’s a surfer) 😉

        Actually, he went to UCSD for his undergrad and grew up in Fullerton, an hour and half from there. So there’s possibilities there for housewifery school, just saying. 😉

      • bodegabliss says:

        oh! Have you seen the recent San Diego campaigns going on? Probably not since you live there and they’re probably not advertising there, but it’s all over TV and billboards and magazines up here and throughout the central valley. Did San Diego hire a super PR person for the whole city or something? I mean, it’s crazy. We get the hint, San Diego! You’re a great place to visit!

      • Marie says:

        No… We get ads for Canada. Or maybe that was just during the last Olympics? I’ve also seen ads for Michigan. Mostly we just advertise ourselves during the weather reports…

  3. Jason says:

    So if you did the housewife blog (which I vote for) and you get help from friends on housewifery, can I offer to help teach? You know I have mad cooking skills and I can have you making chicken better than I do. I’m just not much of a wife 🙂

    • Sara says:

      I disagree…. you make a great wife! You cook (amazingly), you clean, you can fix anything, and just generally awesome!

      I can also offer to help you learn to bake well. That is where I excel. (Guinness Chocolate cupcakes, with made from scratch white chocolate buttercream frosting)….

      • Marie says:

        You two are so cute.

        Sara, I did make your Guinness cupcakes a few years ago, though you told me to cheat and get the frosting from the can. Delicious anyway. And baking is the one thing I’m actually decent at – but that doesn’t mean we can’t get together and have baking parties. Because we should.

  4. Julia says:

    I said “other” and wrote simply: poetry! poetry! poetry!

    Although honestly I will continue to read anything Marie Marandola writes, because it is charming and insightful and wonderful.

    • Marie says:

      “Charming and insightful and wonderful” is the best compliment my writing has ever gotten. If I do publish a book, I want Julia HJ to write the braggy quote on the back.

      I love the implied connection between poetry and a toga party.

      • Julia HJ says:

        Consider it done! I’ll write you a blurb and then you write the book, how’s that? 🙂

        Or vice versa. That usually works better.

  5. Dani says:

    I said “other”: go to Santa Barbara for a romantic getaway! Visit the Daily Grind or that other coffee shop on Hollister and write a poem. ;0)

  6. Kira says:

    Love the idea of the housewife project (although I don’t think being bad at sex is something generally thought of in the 50’s housewife… although it could make for interesting input/suggestions from your friends lol) I too suck at cleaning and ironing, but I’m pretty good at cooking and sewing so I could try to give you some easy tips for that 🙂 Either way, do what is best for YOU. Sure, you will be missed if you completely stop blogging but don’t make yourself crazy.

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  8. Amanda says:

    I vote for going to the courthouse and getting married (or just getting married before September 2012) and write your housewife blog as an actual housewife. I mean, why wait ?? 😉

  9. I say write what makes you feel better. Don’t make yourself crazy writing about babies – or trying to be June Cleaver. If you need to write about marriage/babies/etc. in order to process things, go for it! If you have a funny story about mopping the floor, please share! And definitely keep the poetry coming. Writing can be so therapeutic.

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