♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

It’s not that I’m not an affectionate or loving or appreciative person.  It’s just that I’m not really one to express that affection/love/appreciation in public, in a crying-it-from-the-rooftops way.

The following things tend to make me groan: “I ♥ my soldier/sailor/Marine” bumper stickers; photos of husbands captioned with, “Isn’t he a hottie?” or similar; facebook statuses proclaiming the Glory of the Significant Other; facebook wall posts between spouses or significant others that have way too many hearts in them (or nothing but hearts in them). 

I let Dawn get away with some of this stuff, because from the time we were kids, Dawn has always peppered her writing – even, somehow, her speech – with little hearts and X’s and O’s.  Also because she and her husband have the best, most ridiculous pet names for each other, and there’s nothing quite like “lover muffin” or “sexy clown” to turn an otherwise gag-inducing mushy post into something worth smiling about.

One night last week, though, I decided to publicize the type of sentiment that I usually even forget to tell the man who inspired it.  It was late at night, the night before St. Patrick’s Day, and this was my post:

I don’t usually post this kind of mushy crap, but I LOVE that Doug can cook: tonight I suggested we try making corned beef in the crock pot while we’re at work tomorrow, thinking I was asking for something difficult and complicated, but he made the planning seem so easy, it’s as though I asked him to order a pizza. I’m so lucky ♥

No fewer than eight people (including Dawn, of course) clicked the “like” button.  I even got a few comments agreeing that Doug rocks, and a suggestion to add Guinness to the crock pot.  (And just to prove my initial point, he’d already thought of this, and bought the Guinness to do it.)

And then this crazy thing happened: I started to believe myself.  Doug and I were at work the next day, and I kept thinking, “He’s mine.  I’m so lucky.”  I don’t usually have those thoughts – at least not consciously – unless Doug has gelled his hair, and trimmed his goatee, and put on a collared shirt and his best behavior.  (Or unless he’s demonstrating how great he is with little kids; that one gets me every time.)

Could it be possible that these overly sentimental wives – and sometimes husbands – brag about their significant others’ talents, looks, and charm, not to prove to the outside world how great they have it, but to remind themselves?  Could it be that we’re really so forgetful of the great things we have, that if we’re not constantly pointing them out, we start taking them for granted without even realizing it?

Doug tells me all the time how beautiful I am, how lucky he is, how perfect we are together.  And then I have days where I must be miserable for him to be around, pouting for no reason, screaming about how much I hate my bike, demanding that he “get his shit together” – and still he loves me.  He holds me, he tries to make me smile, he rides the tide of my tantrums.  He is wonderful with me when I am horrible, almost as if he doesn’t believe I’m horrible at all.  Could it be because he’s constantly telling himself (and yes, everyone else) how great I am?

Doug is young, and slightly obsessive, and can be a frustrating little son-of-a-bitch.  But maybe I need to take a page from his notebook, so that I can blissfully overlook all those things, and train myself instead to believe he’s nothing but perfect for me.

And maybe I will – just as soon as he tames that thing on his face.

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10 Responses to ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

  1. Josey says:

    “Could it be that we’re really so forgetful of the great things we have, that if we’re not constantly pointing them out, we start taking them for granted without even realizing it?”

    Definitely. 🙂

    Guinness in the crock pot = genius.

    We all need to remind ourselves sometimes (oftentimes) of what we HAVE instead of what we don’t have….

  2. mommyodyssey says:

    I’ve already emailed your post about tantrums to my hubby so he can “understand my crazy just a bit better”. Now I’m tempted to do the same with this one.
    You are awesome.

  3. Liana says:

    My husband drives me crazy, lately, it seems, on an hourly basis. It takes quite a bit of effort to remind myself how wonderful he truly he is and how lucky I am to have him. I must purposefully stop myself before I bitch him out to consider if it is truly worth getting worked up about. Usually it isn’t and I can force myself to let it go (or more accurately, choke it down until I can actually let it go later). My point is that these things don’t come easy. When people say that relationships take work, they aren’t kidding.

    But I hate people who are all gushy about anything on Facebook. I tend to think they’re overcompensating (to put it politely).

    • Marie says:

      I saw a Valentine this year that said something like, “They say relationships take work… They must be doing it wrong.” When I told a friend (married 11 years) about it, she got all worked up about how dumb that was, so we concluded it must have been for people who just got together.

      So you’re saying that people who are mushy on facebook have small penises, right? 😉

  4. Kira says:

    I tend to not like all the mushiness either, but one thing a marriage therapist told us (our first year of marriage was REALLY rough) was to write down on a piece of paper, (although not on facebook, I agree that’s a weird place to put all of that) every day, 5 things we like/appreciate about the other person and tell them a minimum of one of those things. Do this for a week, and see how it helps to change your mental outlook of your relationship (That’s 5 new things every day for a week) At the end of the day it’s not about the exact number, but about the intentionality you put into thinking about them. All that to say, I do think that while we on the outside don’t like all the mush, it is good for the people in the relationship (whether they are conscious of this or not I don’t know) to remind themselves of what they like about the other person, why they married them in the first place. Our culture tends to focus on the negative/problems/drama so it takes work to focus on the positives.

    • Marie says:

      If you ever feel like writing about the struggles from your first year of marriage, I’d love to read about them. Or if you already have, and I missed it, just link me. (I feel like real-life stories, especially honest and uncensored ones, are so much more interesting than fiction.)

      • Kira says:

        Hmmm, I think I’ve referenced it a bit but I should write a post about it… I’ll have something to write about this week then. There was a lot but I think it gives insight into our relationship now.

  5. Dawn says:

    Well, kind of like you said… I speak in mushy talk, with exclamation marks and hearts all day long… so, putting it in facebook is nothing out of the ordinary for me! You should see what our texts to each other look like! HA!

    Really though, I feel lucky. For years, I went through mediocre relationships and hoped that i’d find THE ONE. And boom(!): the bald chubby guy with bad tattoos made hearts come out of my ears!! Who would have thought? 🙂

    There isn’t anything pre-meditated about the way I write or talk… I just say it like it is. 🙂 And I appreciate you forgiving me for all of my grammar errors over the years!

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